Worried You Toddler's Not Empathetic?

"You can each pick one thing" I said to each of my girls as we entered the store. 

With that statement I released any attachment to what that item was.

Whether it was healthy or junk, a tube of bubbles or colored, lined index cards. (Even as a tiny Caroline already had a thing for school supplies!)

I also made a faulty assumption.

I fully believed that each girl would pick what they wanted most.

Because given the same opportunity - I would have. 

And little me often did.

When my mom made the offer, I walked out of stores with special treats that typically didn't end up in our cart.

A box of Cheez-Its labeled 'sharing size' (pshah - those were alllll mine!)

A variety pack of mini 'sugar' cereals (so I could make the treat last even longer)

And on super-duper special days, a highly coveted candy bar. Whatchamacallits were my fav!

So when my Caroline came to the counter with a sharing size of multi-colored goldfish: 6 bags in a variety of flavors I smirk-smiled, nodded and said, "like mother like daughter".

But I couldn't have been more wrong. 

You see, I was an only child and she had a sister standing next to her holding, of all things, a candy bar.

"Why was this your choice today?" I asked them both.

Claire - "Because I like snickers." 

Caroline - "Because Claire and I both like goldfish and this one has lots of choices so we can share and both get what we want. And you can have one too mommy."

In that moment I was humbled by my daughter's nature.

When given carte-blanch she thought of what she'd like and then got curious, searching for a solution that would allow everyone to partake and enjoy.

My husband and I would often joke (outside of earshot of the girls - of course) that Caroline was born with fully formed compassion and empathy bones and Claire was still growing hers.

And yes, some kids are just kind, generous, and humble from day one.

But the truth is that these aren't just traits, they are skills.

And skills are learned.

Even in her tiniest days Caroline innately understand that learning begins with two curious words.

I wonder...

She asked herself, I wonder what everyone would like then set out to find that one thing.

In this podcast episode I share how to model this curiosity, kindness, and perspective (without judgement) for your little people who are still growing their empathy and compassion bones.  

Because if that is who you want to raise then, ultimately, it's who you want to be.

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.