Why You Shouldn't Tell Kids to "Stop Crying" and What to Say Instead

Toddlers cry. A lot. It’s their primary way of communicating, well – everything. 

How they feel. What they are thinking. Their opinions. And their preferences as their tiny-little belief systems develop. 

In fact, crying is a healthy sign of early development. Kids who never cry are likely not processing important emotions and will struggle later to regulate those feelings in a positive way.

So, there you have it. Crying is good. But it’s also a major trigger for you.

Why? Because you are in a constant reaction state to your child’s state of being.

Think about this.

Your child laughs. Their eyes crinkle. And they bust into a belly giggle. And without even thinking, so do you. 

You mirror their joy. You delight in their happy.

The opposite is also true. 

They cry, shriek, or whine and display an unregulated state-of-being. Your nervous system signals, something is *wrong* with my child, and subconsciously triggers you in an effort to keep them safe.

You want to help them return to their calm, regulated, happy state.

But, more often than not, you say things that were said to you as a child. Or you hear other parents say to theirs and think nothing of it.

“Stop crying!”

“Enough. Just be quiet.”

“Oh my gosh, you cry about EVERYTHING!”

I’m sure a few more cringe-worthy phrases are coming to mind right now.

Words matter. Tone matters. And, most importantly, the message behind your words matter.

Want to learn what your children hear and feel when you say ‘stop crying’?

Would you like a few healthy scripts to connect with your child when they are struggling?

Listen to episode 141 of the Transforming the Toddler Years Podcast, 2 Reasons Not to Say "Stop Crying" to Your Kids, and be sure to rate and review the show after listening! 

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.