The #1 Tool for Toddler Regulation

Meet Sylvie and her collaborative mama and daddy celebrating her 3rd birthday. Last Saturday, was her first “real kid” birthday party.  

The kind where you invite allll the kids from daycare, and hope for the best while expecting the worst!

Picture this: Lots of  littles  running around (indoors) being loud,  in a small space  with new toys, delicious food  and sugar filled treats within reach.

It had the potential  to be meltdown central. In fact, I expected more than a few.

But this party was different. 

The only tears the birthday girl shed were because she was sad her Aunt and Uncle couldn’t come. (they live reeeeealy far away)

And every time a toddler started to get out of control I saw their mom move to them, get down on their level, make eye contact and emotionally regulate with and for them.  

It was an unbelievable kind of amazing.  (like when you go to Target, only get what’s on your list, then find at the register that it’s allll on sale!)

I heard these conscious mamas using calm, gentle, reflective, guiding words to redirect their kids.

I am worried that if your feet keep running you will fall down and get hurt or bump into a friend and hurt them. 

I see you using  this toy  to bonk people  and that hurts.  This toy is not for bonking.  How else can we use this toy?

We spent hours inside. At one point all the kids piled into Sylvie’s toddler bed and read books together. Yep, you read that right: calmly enjoyed a few good stories! 

There were 5-minute warnings followed by smiles and hugs goodbye.

And newly minted 3-year-old Sylvie even walked up to a multi-mama conversation in progress and said these words: “Excuse me mom”. 

We all gaped, wide eyed.

Honestly, I’ve never been to a party with so many self-aware moms and toddlers! Not even my own.  I remember many a birthday party from my girl's younger years filled with triggers, tantrums, and sharing struggles. 

Yes, it was such a beautiful experience to witness Pandemic parents prioritizing connection and communication, knowing that it is the key that unlocks all the fun! 

Now I’m not saying these are perfect kids or perfect parents, because that’s not a thing. And I’m confident that later that day there were massive meltdowns caused by overstimulation and too much sugar.

And I’m equally confident that all the parents understood why their kids became instant banshees, and worked through it with perspective. 

This excites me.  This inspires me. And do you know what this tells me? 

You  are a new generation of parents with an unprecedented level of self-awareness  that how you  speak  and behave is how your child will develop healthy self-regulation skills;. 

It's why I teach my Collaborative Parenting Methodology(™), which I’m now evolving into a Collaborative Classroom Methodology!  (More on that another day.)

But if you're reading this thinking, Wow, Cara, you must have walked into some type of  Bermuda Triangle moment, because my daily life is full  of triggered toddlers resulting in tantrums, tears, and meltdowns.  

I hear you.  Yeah, that was pretty unique.  But it also shows that it is possible! 

If this is your goal. If you can visualize the relationship that allow you to shift their behavior before it gets all kinds of crazy, then I can help.

In the episode The #1 Strategy for Teaching Toddlers Emotional Regulation, I talk all about why your toddlers are currently all or nothing. Full regulated or puddle-on-the-floor, unable to control their emotions, and therefore their bodies and their behaviors.  And I share the one thing that you can do to support them right now that will have a big impact for their future.

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.