The #1 Thing You Need to Parent In Public

I duct-taped my 3 year old’s car seat buckle.

Yep, you read that right. 

The year was 2006  and we were on vacation in Cape Cod when Claire’s explosive behaviors began. It truly felt like an out of the blue, 180 degree change in our child. The crying, body flailing, and refusal to wear certain clothes which got exponentially worse whenever we approached her five-point-harness car seat.

As an educator I knew something was amiss. But I was in mom-mode and honestly, just wanted to have a ‘magical’ time at the beach with my best friend, her 5 year old twins, Claire and a 1 year old Caroline.

We tried everything. I hit the TJMaxx and bought the girl a new, 100% cotton wardrobe sans zippers, ruffles, buttons, or  cuffs.

We went to the local fabric store and bought a lamb's wool liner for her car seat. 

But she was too far gone, triggered by these new ‘feelings’ in her body. 

Nothing worked. Kicking and screaming she’d unbuckle her carseat, while the car was in motion, then hop into the valley between seats and find her calm again.

Facing a 4.5 hour drive home, in the name of law abiding child-safety, we duct taped the release button and steeled ourselves to listen to the crying.

To say it was a long ride is the understatement of the decade, because her screaming triggered the others to cry alongside her.

Within a month she’d been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (why must they call them disorders?)

And all of a sudden the world started to make sense.

Meanwhile my mama heart broke a little for how she must feel. 

Loud sounds, too many people, and clothing textures all set her off. She hated being touched unexpectedly, snuggled, or loved on. And of course, car seats were enemy number one.

She began physical and occupational therapy while I began to understand and finally believe that her challenging behaviors were not a reflection of my parenting.

But it did mean that I parented in public very differently than most. 

My parenting choices prioritized helping her feel safe inside her body while being in the world. 

I really didn’t care what other people thought as they watched me pull a sit-and-spin from the back of my car (spinning helped regulate and integrate her nervous system) and carry it with me through the carnival, festival, museum, or aquarium.

And, if I forgot it, we’d find a safe place away from the group and I’d spin her – literally. Fun fact: spinning does not regulate my nervous system; it makes me very dizzy, but I didn’t care because the goal was to help HER be able to regain her calm and re-engage in the setting. 

I traveled with lots of extra clothing choices to recover from indoor water parks, playgrounds with gritty sandboxes, and the pants that were ‘fine’ yesterday but not today.

I even kept the horse-hair brush the OT gave us in my glove compartment for the times when she was so far gone that deep tissue sensory input was necessary. 

I knew my parenting-in-public toolkit didn’t match the other parents. I got the glares, I got the stares, I got the raised eyebrows, and the questioning, wondering facial expressions. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't care. I'm a human.  

But I cared more about my toddler’s little successes, her personal growth, our family's experiences and moments of connection.  

Parenting in public is hard and very personal. That’s why on the podcast I give you a couple PIP strategies (that have nothing to do with spinning or horse hair brushes) to sit confidently inside your parenting choices, no matter what ‘they’ say. 

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.