Raising Internally Motivated Kids

"I don't know but I'll figure it out."

This is what my then 18 year old daughter Caroline told me after arriving in Japan only to find that the Aupair job she had lined up had fallen through.

😰I world away I was in a bit of mama panic and did what I counsel parents never to do 🤷🏻‍♀️ peppered her with questions. 

"What are you going to to?"

"Where will you live?"

"Who will sponsor your visa?"

And can I just say thank goodness for videochat technology?

📱Because I watched my girl square her shoulders and set her jaw (in that way that she does) before looking me straight in the eye and saying, "I don't know but I'll figure it out." 

💪🏽And she did.

Japan lets you stick around for 90 days before asking you to leave.

Over the new few months Caroline displayed levels of

🌟motivation

🌟determination

🌟creative thinking

🌟creative problem solving

and undeterred faith that showed me I raised a strong, independent woman who knew her goals and was willing to fight for them.

You see, that's how she solved her initial problem.

By volunteering on an organic farm in exchange for a place to stay and food to eat.

But here's the thing. She was not always this person.

Independent in her thinking? Yes. 

A risk taker able to use flexible thinking as tool to solve unexpected problems outside of her comfort zone? Um, no.

🫣Caroline was shy, quiet, and careful as a little.

My sweet homebody who ran from risk taking and hid behind my back - a lot.

Over the years I created opportunities for her to grow and stretch from the inside, out.

I carefully crafted my language so that she felt an inner desire to try, struggle, and fail. Then try again and succeed.

And rarely did I use a reward or sticker chart to make it happen. (unless it was her idea as a self-motivating strategy) 

Recently one of my parent coaching clients asked, "We're considering using reward or sticker charts to motivate our son to try things independently. Should we or shouldn't we?"

And knowing this was a hot-button topic for many of you, we recorded the coaching session and are releasing it as a podcast episode.

Listen in to hear my reward chart reframe and be sure to leave a review in the show comments with your story. 

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.