Mindset Vs Perspective

“Mom, what do you think I should do?” 

My daughter Caroline just started her first semester at Temple University, Japan. Her night is my day, and vice versa, so I often wake up to messages, pictures, or voice memos from her.  It’s a great way to start the day after meditation & gratitudes done, coffee in hand. 

Last week, I settled in to listen to her voice memo of the day.

“Hey mom. I’m looking at books for my math class and there are two options. I can get an online copy that was printed in 2019 for $88 or a paper copy that was printed in 2016 for $56. What do you think I should do?”

Looking past the fact that this already feels like an Algebraic word problem (haha), I took a sip of coffee and tried to put myself inside her experience.

1. Mindset: There are too many variables and she’s not sure what to do, so she’s looking outside of herself (to me) for a quick, ‘just tell me what to do and I’ll do it’ answer.
2. Perspective: She is worrying about money and so she’s likely looking at this decision through a ‘dollars’ lens.

Mindset and perspective are inextricably connected.  Mindset is based in self-awareness. A practice of training our brains how we  think about the world and to believe in what is possible.  

Perspective is how we see the world and how we weigh our options inside our experiences.  

And every decision we make begins there, whether we are aware of it or not.

When parents come to me looking for support, help, and advice  to navigate the toddler years, I ask how I can help.

After describing their current challenges and struggles, their first question is typically,  “What do I do?  What do I say?  What's the strategy that will fix this?” 

Which, put another way, is reminiscent of Caroline’s request to  ‘just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it’. 

They're often very surprised when I say  we need to start  with their  mindset  and perspective.  In order to observe their child's, then support their little one to make their own decision, and experience their chosen natural consequence.

Because when we look outside of ourselves for answers, we choose someone else’s solution.

Sufficiently caffeinated, I opened my voice app and said,

“Don't look at the dollars. This isn’t a money decision. This is a goal based decision. You told me your goals were to do the best you can in school so that you keep up your GPA to ensure your academic scholarship renews. So we’re asking the wrong question.

Ask yourself, which format of the book will help me process the information best: a physical copy you can manipulate, or a digital copy online that you scroll through. The answer to that question is the action you should take, and only you can make it.

She didn’t need me to answer her questions. She needed me to reframe her mindset, and offer a new perspective. She needed me to give her permission to sit inside her own desired outcome, and then - the answer was obvious. 

And as it turned out, less expensive, which she considered a win-win!

Mindset and perspective are our anchors for successful living.

Want more? Listen to the episode I did with  April Hartman, to talk all things mindset for moms while teaching kids how to embrace a growth mindset from the start.

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.