Mama's Warrior Mindset

It was a quiet summer Saturday morning.  I was up early, a cup of hot coffee in my hand while momming mantras ran through my mind: I will stay calm today. I WILL stay calm today. I can do this. 

The day before with my 4 year old had been hard. The day before that, even harder. Honestly, it had just been a challenging stretch with, what felt like, no end in sight.

Simply recalling a few of my reactive moments caused my anxiety to rise, doubt creeping in: can I do this? 

Deep breath and reset: She will not push my buttons. She will not push my buttons. Today is going to be a different day. And I had nearly convinced myself, when I heard feet bouncing down the stairs.  

She was awake and my body went into a full fight-or-flight reaction.  

My pulse began to race, anticipation flooding my system, and I swear I felt an invisible shield go up ready for the first power struggle of the day.

And then, she turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs, made eye contact, smiled and happily said “Good morning, mama” as she skipped her way to the kitchen to await a frozen eggo waffle.  

At four years old, Claire was, what I used to call, a very challenging child.  And, sure, we had been through it lately.  

But in that early morning moment, I had a realization. 

It was a new day and she was well regulated (for the moment) with that sweet, beautiful first-thing-in-the-morning face, smiling at me and chirping a morning greeting.

My assumption was she would wake up every day now ready to do battle: challenge me, yell and scream and kick. 

But kids don’t wake up and immediately make a naughty to-do list: throw 5 fits today, kick my mom 3 times, and wake up my sister during her nap just to be mean.

It was ME who was dysregulated and, if I was being truly honest with myself, aware that I had likely exacerbated many of her recent behaviors with my reactions.

Something about the cumulative triggers of the last week had really gotten to me, settled in my spirit, landed me in survival mode, and deeply affected my thoughts. 

I chose to practice conscious, connected parenting and when it was good it was snuggle wrapped in sweet kisses good, but as soon as it got really hard, I felt like I was failing.

Over time I learned that collaborative parenting is, at it’s core, a personal-development journey and struggling through rough patches is where the gold is.

It also requires massive amounts of self-awareness, practice, rupture, repair, and forgiveness.

What did I do that day?  I panicked.  I was no longer afraid of my child. I was afraid of myself.  That I couldn't respond appropriately.  That I would be reacting all day long and feeding the triggers that caused her to meltdown. 

And, even though I couldn’t regain my calm, I didn’t want to fight with her anymore. 

So we flew.

I arrived at my best mama friend’s house, marched in, presented Claire and said, “Here, you take her until I am okay. Please.”

And she did.  

Then she talked me down off my ledge, helping me reframe my thoughts. 

Holding space for me until I remembered why it mattered so much that my girls’ early days were full of acceptance and love and connection alongside the boundaries, responsibilities, and guidelines.  

I'll forever be grateful to Dominica, my early years mama bestie, for helping me navigate challenging moments like this and anchoring that no mama was never meant to raise whole humans alone. 

Listen to my episode with Chitra Rochlani,  wellness coach, speaker and author of “The Warrior Mindset”, as we dive into mindset, intuition and meditation and offer simple and practical achievable steps for parents. Win the mind, win the parenting game!

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.