How to Talk to Kids Who Can't Talk Back Yet

When parents find out I have a degree in Linguistics they ask me one of two questions:

How do I talk to my baby when they can’t talk back yet? 

or

How do I help my late-talking toddler manage their communication frustration?

And my answer is always the same. 

Talk to them as if they can talk back in complete sentences. 

And It’s the complete sentences that are the key.

Because you are their language model.

Your words, tone, affect, facial expression, and sentence structure is how they will talk back - someday!

First, know that communication and language are NOT the same thing.

Crying is communicating, but it’s not language.

Raising your eyebrows, then sighing in frustration clearly communicates to your toddler how you feel.

I have always loved dissecting language, pulling it apart, understanding the syntax and grammar features, then crafting sentences with intention, so that they clearly convey my meaning.

So, this week, instead of a story, I’m giving you my top three tips for talking to young kids.

Do you have a baby who can’t talk back yet? 

A late talker struggling to communicate, then dissolving into frustration, emotional overwhelm, and massive tantrums? 

Number 1:  Speak in complete sentences. 

Minimizing language because you think it's hard for them to understand actually compounds the problem. They need a complete language model to learn what comprehensive language sounds like. In short, how you talk to them is how they will talk back!

Example: Your toddler is banging really loudly on pots with a wooden spoon.  “Too loud!” becomes “Wow! That is really loud for my ears.”

Number 2: Keep your sentences short, six words or less. 

Why?  Language requires processing. Short sentences are less information for the brain to process. And if your child is struggling with language, then they are likely struggling to process what they're hearing. Have a lot to say to them? No problem. String together a few complete sentences, but keep them short.  

Example: Your toddler is jumping on the couch. “Stop jumping on the couch because it’s not safe and last time you fell and bumped your head then cried because it hurt.” Becomes… “No thank you. Couches are not for jumping. Remember last time you got hurt?” 

Use ASL Signs to bridge the gap

Why? Your kids can use their hands to sign long before the muscles in their mouth are able to make speech sounds. It’s a tool to help you understand them. They feel ‘heard’ and often prevent frustration meltdowns. There are many other brain benefits to signing with your littles! It’s why I designed a 5-minute a day ASL class just for you to communicate with your kids? Check it out here! 

Listen to my podcast episode, How to Talk to Kids Who Can’t Talk Back, to learn more!

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.