How to Avoid Raising Overcommitted Kids

I did not have sporty kids,  And I'm not going to lie, I was relieved.  I watched my sister and brother in law, who have three VERY sporty kids, lose their heads juggling the number of practices, games, and tournaments… per sport, per kid, every season of the year. 

They were stressed. They had to divide and conquer, a lot. They had late nights and overtired kids who, on weekends, had to get up and do it all over again the next day. And let’s not even start with how much they spent on travel teams.

Yep, I dodged a bullet - or so I thought.

When the girls were three and five (read: Claire was about to start Kindergarten) the opportunities to fill their social calendar started coming fast and furious.

Would your girls like to join T-ball? Gymnastics? Brownies? 

Ballet? Martial Arts? Soccer?  

As a teacher I knew that participating in a group activity was healthy for their young social development.

But I also knew that saying yes to everything was a recipe for family-dynamic disaster.

And more importantly, I wanted the girls to ‘buy in’, to really WANT to do the activity so that when it got hard (and it would) they had the determination to follow it through to its completion.

So I said, “You may each pick one activity per season.”

And then, we did what we did best – talk.

We talked about why they were choosing that activity (Claire - soccer / Caroline - ballet). 

What about it felt interesting or exciting (my friends are doing it too / I want to wear a tutu.

If they thought they’d have enough energy after school to fully participate (both: we’ll bring snacks)

And then we talked about commitment.  “If this is your choice, then you're committing to it for the entire season. Trying something new is exciting but it can also be hard. If you start you need to finish. I promise to support you and that you’ll learn valuable lessons along the way.”

It wasn’t always fun. It wasn’t always easy. But my girls were able to grow within the experience of the team/art form and I was able to stay calm, focused, and conscious on our goal.

They learned how to be a good teammate and a good friend. 

They learned how to win graciously and how to lose with integrity. 

They learned what perseverance felt like and how to do hard things when they didn’t feel like it.

They also learned how to make future decisions based on what they really wanted to pursue regardless of if their friends would be doing it too or the shiny costumes.

We didn’t have to drive far.  We still were able to have family dinners around the table most nights. And we weren’t stressed or overwhelmed meaning they could focus on participation and learning opportunities instead of feeling anxious about what came next. 

Under Committed kids can be fully present. And fully present kids are available to learn. 

Listen to Episode 136 Is Your Child Too Busy? How to Know if They Are Overcommitted and What to Do where I dive deeper into this conversation!

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.