Does Conscious Parenting Really Work?

Parents & Early Educators ask me a short list of questions, on repeat. And this always makes the top three!

My job is to be honest with you. So here it is.

Consciousness is only HALF of the formula for raising and teaching well rounded, whole kids.

So why is conscious discipline so popular? 

Because your children’s success begins with YOURS. 

Picture this: you’re at the playground and everything is going well. Swings, smiles, and sun. 

Then, the next minute, your child is screaming at the top of their lungs while stomping their foot, “It’s my turn NOW! You said I could have a turn. GET OFF!!”

Consciousness is what happens inside you. It’s your ability to stay self-aware, breathe deeply, remain calm inside the chaos, or – if you can’t, signal to your partner that you need to switch. 

In that moment two things are happening at the same time:

1. You are practicing active consciousness.
2. They are behaving from a reactive space fueled by their subconscious. 

Consciousness allows you to observe without judgment, to get curious about why they're struggling, and to hold space for their struggle. 

To redirect them calmly and to keep them safe. 

Your parenting moment comes later when both of you are well regulated and you connect with them through conversation and collaboration.  

“Wow, those last few minutes at the playground were really hard. You REALLY wanted a turn on that swing. You showed how upset you were by stomping your feet and yelling. I wonder if there was a different way to show you wanted a turn. I have some ideas, but I’d like to hear yours first.”

Your words invite them to process the experience. To share their feelings and thoughts from a calm space. To revisit the scene in their mind and create new strategies to try, next time. 

When you invite them to co-create potential solutions you encourage and teach self management strategies. 

I’m not really into labels, but this is why I believe the goal is to practice Collaborative Parenting using my Collaborative Learning Methodology(™).

A conscious calm parent + a conscious calm child = The gateway to collaborative problem solving!

Even with our most strong-willed kids. (scratch that) Especially with our strong willed kids. 

Their ‘dig in their heels’ behaviors are really a cry to be part of the process. They are seeking deeper connection with you and demanding to be understood, even if they don’t respond to traditional methods.

Listen more about conscious vs collaborative parenting in the episode below!

Cara Tyrrell, M.Ed is mom to three girls, a Vermont based Early Childhood Educator, Collaborative Parenting Coach, and the founder of Core4Parenting. She is the passionate mastermind behind the Collaborative Parenting Methodology™, a birth-to-five, soul and science based framework that empowers toddler parents and educators  to turn tantrums into teachable moments. Through keynotes, teacher training, and her top-ranking podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, she’s teaching the 5 Executive Functioning Skills kids need to navigate our ever-changing world.